Yes, for most people, they would consider what kind of infidelity was committed. The decision to break up really depends where you are coming from and other factors in your relationship.

In our previous article on whether or not to leave a cheating spouse, we discussed the important questions we should ask while making what could one of life’s most difficult decisions.

Are you religious? Are there children involved? Are you financially independent? Is your partner remorseful? Can you forgive such grievous mistake?

How you found out does play a significant role in your decision, too. Was it by accident or through snooping through text messages or did your spouse confess? They are all terrible ways to discover the truth but there are varying degrees of betrayal in everyone’s book and you have to decide what your boundaries are.

For some people, cheating is just unacceptable and will follow the separation path, but for some, there is a lot more at stake and would consider staying together.

But it’s hard — really hard — because sexual betrayal is the ultimate destruction of trust in any relationship.

Let’s zero in on one aspect that is always thrown up as an important deciding factor — what kind of infidelity was it?

In a moment of weakness, your spouse cheated on you. Maybe it was a one-night stand, or with a prostitute, and they are no longer in contact. It’s important to ask why it happened and what part of your relationship could’ve triggered something like this. It could have been sexual problems, or communication, alienation, and overwhelming stress from having a family — whatever it is, try to hear your spouse out.

Of all the kinds of infidelities, this could be the easiest to overcome, especially if your partner is willing to go for marriage counseling. It may be a cliché to think all human beings make mistakes and there is no weakness in recognizing and accepting that in your spouse. You probably make relationship mistakes, too, but in other ways.

The power-play affair says a lot about what the cheating spouse is angry or dissatisfied about and uses this as a means of revenge or even feels justified to being unfaithful. Chances are they want you to catch them one way or another. You may be even blamed for the affair for happening. Counseling is definitely advised for this situation to help “restructure” the power balance in the marriage.

A long-term affair is emotionally crushing and probably one of the most difficult types to get over. Is your spouse willing to leave their lover? Is the lover unwilling to leave? What was the reason for having this affair and how did it start? You may wonder these questions and if you would ever pull through.

The most important question to ask yourself: is the marriage something you can save? If your spouse wants to give it second shot, don’t close this option off if it is presented to you. You may regret not trying to work your issues out by insisting on a divorce.

The worst scenario is when the cheating spouse refuses to leave the lover nor you. There could be a period of time where you might be in a back-and-forth situation where you seem to take turns with the lover to be with your spouse. Don’t feel like a failure if you decide to give up the tussle because you are being emotionally jerked around. Perhaps giving an ultimatum would be the best move but be prepared for the outcome to go either way.

The philandering spouse is also an excruciating roadblock and the reason for this often lies with the cheating individual. Maybe they need a constant ego boost, or they are addicted to winning conquests, or they could suffer from sex addiction — the question would then be, if your spouse cheats again, can you overlook it?

Like the previous type of infidelity, the vote to stay or not is 50-50. Some people would just choose divorce and wipe the slate clean, but some do stay for many different reasons — financial dependence, children, old age, cancer and numerous investments. If you stay it’s because you feel you have a lot more to lose from a divorce. In this case, you have to come to terms that your relationship with your spouse would inevitably have certain limitations.

Related posts:

1. Can your marriage survive after your spouse cheated on you?
2. Should you try counseling?
3. How to tell your spouse you want a divorce

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