By the time you are considering marital counseling, chances are: your relationship is on the rocks. You have kids to consider and you’ve probably weighed the pros and cons of divorce in your head a million times already. It’s also most likely you have both been at war for what seems like forever and can’t seem to resolve past issues.

Basically, you have reached a point where you just can’t communicate with each other. The level of resentment to each other is so high, it seems impossible to surmount. Can your relationship be rebuilt? Yes. Is choosing counseling an admission of failure? No, absolutely not. Couples therapy is an avenue worth considering in saving your marriage. Is it one major problem or a myriad of small issues that added up over time? Counseling is a time where you stop, evaluate, and take a hard look at your marriage problems.

What are the questions you should ask yourself before seeking counseling?

When should you seek out a relationship counselor? There’s really no concrete answer to that but if you answer ‘yes’ to the following questions — counseling could be a real option for you. Bear in mind that these questions are not a test or analysis of you as a person, but more of a thinking guide to aid your decision.

Are you constantly distracted and pulled down by your marital problems, so much so that it’s hard to focus on the day-to-day?

Do you feel depressed or stressed out?

Do you feel you’re in a rut where parenting and marriage are concerned?

Do you feel you’ve talked to your friends and family over and over again but don’t come away with any concrete conclusions or emotional relief?

Do you feel that there are some issues have not been dealt with before separating?

Are your children behaving differently or suffering emotionally and is making your situation even worse than it is?

Does the idea of divorce scare you?

Are you sleepless because you can’t seem to get your problems out of your mind?

Do you feel alone and helpless?

How counseling can help you

The first important factor in making counseling a success is if both of you are willing to save your marriage. But in the case of one partner refusing to attend sessions, particularly in abuse cases, counseling may not be a real solution for you. Couples counseling is often the last-ditch effort for many who are on the brink of divorce — whether you pull through together or not depends on the two of you. A family counselor cannot make things right for you and serves as a mediator for disagreeing couples.

Go for a qualified counselor who is trained in psychology and family dynamics. Through such a professional, you could re-open the lines of communication with your partner. Marriage counseling involves learning how to resolve conflicts and understanding your family dynamics better.

Relationship coaching can also get the more reticent partner to open up and speak their mind in a neutral space. It’s also a space to truly pay attention and listen what the other has to say. With the help of a counselor, you could discover new ways of communicating with your partner.

How long do couples take on counseling? It depends on the couple but typically most attend only a few sessions or until they are both confident to iron out their differences on their own. Some people may even choose to have individual session on top of couples therapy.

In such sessions, unhappy, fighting couples could re-focus their perspectives of each other, renew their energies, and identify underlying problems they were not aware of.

A skilled couples counselor should not put the blame on either partner. The role of a counselor is to teach clients to work through their problems, reduce unconstructive conflicts, diffuse negative feelings and encourage forgiveness. In this way, couples could gain a new perspective on their relationship.

Even if you decide to separate even after counseling, at least you had this opportunity to explore what really went wrong. It may even better help you accept the breakdown of your relationship and move forward.

Related posts:

1. To divorce or not: Does the nature of an affair matter?
2. How to tell your spouse you want a divorce
3. How to get along with stepchildren

Sphere: Related Content