Now that you’ve set an appointment for your child custody mediation session, what do you do? Don’t expect the mediator to lay it out for you — you should think about what you want in the parenting plan after your divorce goes through.

First and foremost, mediation is about negotiation so you should approach it with an open mind and a willingness to listen. You may think both of you and your ex just brings to the table a list of your wants and expect the mediator to work it all out but mediation sessions actually need some work and a lot of thinking. It is unrealistic to enforce just one solution to your custody and visitation issues, and if you throw stubbornness and inflexibility into the works, you would be hard pressed to come to a mutual compromise.

What should you prepare before stepping into a mediation session?

Do your homework. Jot down all the important issues you think would affect your children and provide your own solutions. Try to envision your life with the kids and anticipate any special provisions or requests you may have.

Hang up your boxing gloves. Remember this is about your kids, and not a time to rehash past conflicts and grievances. Think of these mediation sessions as the first step to co-parenting effectively. For example, if there is a concern about having different curfews, parents need to be open to change to come to an agreement.

Be relaxed. Divorce is a big challenge and you’ve done a lot of your fighting already. If you are always in a combat stance, reaching a conclusion will take longer and makes the process unpleasant. By keeping the peace, you can maintain a balanced perspective on your wants, your ex’s desires and your children’s needs.

By now, it is likely that you and your ex have differing views and beliefs on the way your children should be parented, which is all the more important to have a neutral third party as a referee. You may not agree with the mediator’s suggestions but force yourself to be objective — try to balance what you believe and what is ultimately good for your children so you can reach a satisfactory settlement.

Related posts:
Sharing custody Part 1: Factors determining custody award
Sharing custody Part 2: Benefits of child custody mediation

Related posts:

1. Sharing custody Part 2: Benefits of child custody mediation
2. Sharing custody Part 1: Factors determining custody award
3. Should you try counseling?

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