You may feel uncomfortable telling your children the exact reasons for your divorce and would like to shield them from the ugliness of your separation. But you would find the opposite is true: Children need a rational explanation and if they understand what’s going on, it could aid their acceptance of your break up.

You loved each other when you got married and wanted children, but things have changed because of inevitable circumstances — you grew apart, it’s better to be happy separate than unhappy together.

They are not responsible for the divorce. You and your spouse may have gone through fights involving the children, so you need to clarify this point with them.

Ask your kids what they think the word “divorce” means. They may have pre-conceived notions about divorce so it helps to ease into helping them understand your family’s new reality.

Tell them they will have two homes. Assure them that you will be still their parents even though you no longer live together as a family.

Inform them of the custody arrangements. Assuming you and your spouse will be sharing custody or have visiting arrangements, you will help your kids visualize their future lives. Consider their wishes or suggestions if they want to change what you have proposed.

Don’t bad mouth your spouse. Misery loves company but speaking ill of your ex would just deepen the hurt even more. Even though the two of you can’t make your marriage work, express that you would still care about them.

Don’t be cynical about marriage. Yours failed but it doesn’t mean it’s doomed for your children. Encourage them to pursue love and relationships and not be disheartened by their own parents’ divorce.

Go back to How to tell your kids about your divorce Part I

Related posts:

1. How to tell your kids you’re getting a divorce Part I
2. Recommended: How to help your kids cope with divorce the Sandcastles way
3. Sharing custody Part 3: How to prepare for child custody mediation

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