It’s hard to going through a divorce so imagine that it will be 10 times more difficult for your children. Tempting as it is to be vague about why you’re divorcing your spouse — it may do more damage than harm. Tell your kids the truth, but in an age appropriate context. Children are more sensitive to instability and change so bear in mind what could be their immediate and long-term concerns. How do you break bad news and offer emotional support during this tumultuous time in your family?

The right time

It’s best to inform your kids a few days before either you or your spouse leave the marital home. Let them have some time to absorb your decision and ponder on questions they might want to ask you. For adolescents, they probably need time to discuss with their friends the implications of your new situation.

Choose a quiet time, preferably during a meal, without the television on or appointments to rush to. If you’re going on a business trip, leave it till after, because your children would need the comfort of your presence for at least a few days.

If you and your spouse can talk to the whole family together — great. Presenting a united front to break the news will lessen the hurt and pain, than if it was fraught with anger towards each other. See it as a way to lay the foundation of your post-divorce lives. But if things are so acrimonious between you, take turns to give your version.

What if your spouse left the family suddenly? Take a day or two to take in the shock, then be honest with your children about it. You may feel a lot of anger and hurt but cushion it with, “Sorry it had to be this way. I wish I could have told you if I had known myself.”

Continue to How to tell your kids you’re getting a divorce Part II

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