Divorce can be a tragic event in life where it doesn’t seem like you would ever recover from fully. You can and you will. Instead of focusing on the fact that you have a broken relationship, think of the new and improved life you could have post-divorce.

Let go of your bitterness. Find the courage to slough off the anger. It’s easy to remain in your own bubble of blaming your ex-spouse for your miserable circumstances. But you can’t move forward unless you’ve accepted that this is an experience you had to go through. A divorce is never the fault of just one party, so give a hard look at your mistakes — forgive your ex-partner and yourself.

Welcome change. Even if it wasn’t your choice to divorce, it’s still time for some positive changes in your life. What did you enjoy doing before you got together and the kids came along? Be it sailing or baseball, start doing something different from your routine. You may have been stuck in a bad marriage that restricted you from doing certain things but now you can enjoy your newfound freedom.

Focus on your career. It may seem like a cliché to drown yourself in work. Think of it this way: your relationship went down the tubes but you could at least make something else work in your life. Many people actually come into their own after divorce. Sadness could be the fuel of your career at first, but if you do well, your previously beaten self-esteem could lift in a very real way.

Stop being a drama queen. Separate fact from fiction. We often like to throw a pity party for ourselves or let our fears override logical thinking. For example, “My husband left me” is quite different from “my husband left me because I’m fat”, or “My child misses his father” is not quite the same as “My child hates me and wants to be with his father”. If you can lay out the facts of your divorce more objectively, you are on your way to accepting your situation.

Start socializing. You’re at the time of your life where you need friends more than ever. Coming out of a 15 or 20-year marriage is certainly not easy but staying in your shell and being depressed won’t help matters either. Do volunteer work or join a hobby group as a start. Your self-confidence often takes a blow during divorce so mingling with others and learning how to socialize on your own could curb those fears of being alone.

Don’t keep thinking about your divorce. Sure, that’s so easy to say but hard to do. There’s wisdom in this — life is not just about your relationship with a spouse. How do you relate to your family and friends? Are you happy with the other relationships in your life? By concentrating on others, you don’t focus as much on yourself and the personal pain and hurt you suffered. Spend more quality time with your kids as they tend to fear abandonment during this rocky period in their lives, so hopefully this would quell their fears.

Be nice to yourself. The stress of divorce is always surprising and it’s good to take a break if you can. Call it your “breakup budget” — take a spa package with a girlfriend or splurge on a set of golf clubs. Everyone needs time to feel miserable but do something to feel happy about.

Don’t hide being a divorcee. Some people find it a taboo topic or it might make others uncomfortable. True, it’s a sensitive topic and to go on about personal issues in front of strangers is social suicide. On the other hand, if you’re not afraid to bring up the fact that you’re divorced, you could find an ally (seeing that divorces are quite common these days).

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